Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Colleagues

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It might seem that passive-aggressive behaviour is indicative of a dual personality, but it's not. Passive-aggression is an intentionally deceitful way to cut down someone without just coming right out and expressing your dislike for or anger with that person. Do have a colleague who displays such behaviour? Passive-aggressive colleagues who engage in disingenuous behaviour might pay you a compliment but not be sincere about it, or they might act very kind within earshot of colleagues, but cold and unfriendly when it's just the two of you.

Here is a 5 step strategy to tackling such personalities while keeping your cool.

1. Identify - not diagnose

Identify the colleague's behaviour as passive-aggressive. However, refrain from diagnosing. The safest way to describe a colleague who you believe has these tendencies is to say, "She/He shows tendencies of passive-aggressive behaviour," instead of "She's/He's passive-aggressive." Be careful about discussing your colleague's behaviour with others or you, too, can be called out for being deceitful.

2. Avoid a tit-for-tat

Refrain from engaging in a back-and-forth exchange with this colleague. It's virtually impossible to outdo a passive-aggressive person's remarks, and doing so simply puts you in the same category. One way to unsettle the passive aggressor is to pretend that you believe her/his compliments are sincere. Don't buy into the sarcasm or anger you believe underlies the misleading compliments or smiles. For example, when your colleague says you're exceptionally good at cozying up to your boss, which is clearly not a compliment, you could say, "Thank you, I like to let others see my talents and capabilities."

3. Develop a thick skin

Learn how to control your frustration or your own angry feelings towards the passive aggressor. You may not be able to totally ignore her/him, especially if you work in close proximity. However, you can refuse to let the disingenuous remarks get under your skin. At some point, finding clever ways to frustrate someone gets tiring when the person at whom the actions are directed simply doesn't respond. Most times the passive aggressor is looking for a reaction. 


4. Don't involve your manager

Avoid asking your supervisor or manager to intervene. You may not get the support you want, because reporting minor incidents to your supervisor will cast a negative light on your ability to resolve workplace problems using your own resources. The only reason you should go to a supervisor or manager is to report behaviour that crosses the line into unlawful harassment that affects your ability to do your job. If the passive-aggressive colleague's comments and behaviour don't impact your job performance, then it's probably just a character flaw you will need to overlook.

5. Offer a timely truce

Extend the olive branch to your colleague when you feel the timing is good to engage her/him in a conversation. At a minimum, tell her/him that the two of you don't have to like each and you don't have to be friends, but you can be respectful of each other. If the passive-aggressor is not receptive to this truce, simply state that you will no longer tolerate their behaviour.

For more insight and tips, read this handy article!